Tuesday, October 20, 2009

No more problems: being depression-free?

Yesterday I became a person who no longer owns a vehicle. Teen Challenge, the charity to which I had donated my vehicle, towed away my car. Now suddenly, the 5 biggest problems in my life have vanished. The immediate problem was risking having my employer's landlord's property management company tow my car away. It was sitting in the parking lot where I work for a couple of weeks (I was afraid to drive it home as there was a leak in the engine cooling system). The other 4 problems were more chronic:
  1. No need to cut down my work hours further, in order to prepare for getting rid of my car, as I find it is not a hardship to commute to Mississauga by public transportation 3 days a week (it takes a little over an hour each way).
  2. No need to continue maintaining my vehicle, and finding a better mechanic (my brother no longer uses the mechanic he recommended to me a few years ago, and I believe that mechanic was always finding things wrong with my car that supposedly needed fixing).
  3. No need to sell/buy a used vehicle (my car was aging and I dreaded having to deal with a used car salesman in order to buy a new vehicle). I have never bought or sold a vehicle before. I have a cognitive deficit when it comes to doing things that require good judgment and human interaction. I feel that deficit is only partially related to my schizophrenia. I may have inherited poor judgment from my mother, but I'm way worse than she was.
  4. For one or two years I've been spending more money than I earn. With the added expense of vehicle ownership out of the way, there's now light at the end of the financial tunnel, and hope that I can get my spending under control.
Not all my problems have vanished, of course, but it seems all the big ones have. Could this be the beginning of a golden age of freedom from depression? We'll have to wait and see. I would love to be able to report to my psychiatrist that I will have had zero depression between yesterday and my next appt. 4 weeks from now.

The other thing contributing to my elevated mood (apart from my car troubles) was my recent decision to resume development on my games program. This involved abandoning the implementation of the scripting language I invented, and instead using Python as my game scripting language. I look forward to receiving the 2 computer books I ordered, reading them, and then using that knowledge to plan how I'm going to implement my games program.

Last weekend I wrote up a project proposal to submit to my boss, in which I proposed to develop my games program in partnership with my employer, APROM. Both my sister and her ex-partner advised me not to submit it until I finish implementing my games program. So I intend to implement part of it, or at least write up a plan of how I intend to implement it, and then submit that plan to my boss, along with my project proposal.

And so begins a new, car-free age in my life, after over 9 years of driving. I have 2 bad habits: worrying and procrastinating, in which I'm forever worrying about the things I seem to indefinitely procrastinate about. No longer: now I only have little problems that don't require me to worry much. I have over 2 hours to kill before the CBC news comes on. I just might decide to go for a walk (it's not cold today). Or at least have a 3rd cup of coffee in a little while. I keep getting bills from Bell in which I owe $0.00. I don't know what that's about (I have Bell as my phone and TV provider). No worries, be happy (my new motto).

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