Anterior cingulate cortex dysfunction?

There might be something wrong with my anterior cingulate cortex (part of my brain). According to Wikipedia, people with schizophrenia may have abnormalities in that part of the brain. This causes me to show a lack of common sense from time to time (although I've had that all my life, not just after I started having symptoms of schizophrenia). Two days ago I went to my appt. with my shrink. I was either a couple of minutes early, or on time, or maybe a couple of minutes late. His office door was open, and I failed to knock. Instead I took a seat in the hall, and waited patiently for half an hour. Then my doctor came out and said to me: "Why didn't you knock?". He had to see some people downstairs, and asked me to make another appt. w/ his secretary. The reason why I didn't knock is because I've never knocked on his door before, even when in the past it was open when I arrived for my appt. In retrospect, if you're on time or especially when you're a little late, common sense should tell you that you should knock if the door's open. It probably occurred to me while waiting that maybe I should knock, but I rigidly adhered to the previous rule that I had stuck with in the past, that I should never knock, even if the door's open.

That episode made me feel angry and embarrassed, and I'm only just now coming out of the resulting depression. I was angry with my doctor for making me feel embarrassed, and that he didn't bother to check if I was waiting in the hall. But maybe he did check prior to my arrival, and I can't really expect him to keep peeking out of his office every 5 minutes to see if I've arrived for an appt. So it was mostly my fault. We learn from our mistakes, and in the past I've pulled more than my fair share of whoppers.

So far 3 people have made positive comments about my blog (via email), and nobody has made any negative comments. Those people are, in chronological order: a person who works at the Schizophrenia Society of Ontario, my ex-brother-in-law, and my former supervisor at Back to Basics (Fred Victor Centre). I feel close to my ex-brother-in-law, partly due to the fact that he called me after my serious suicide attempt 4 years ago, urged me never to do that again, and said I could call him anytime, "day or night," if I'm in crisis. I email him a fair amount, and he always replies. He used to have serious depression/anxiety, and like me he still struggles with depression from time to time. He lives in Montreal and I live in Toronto, so I see him face-to-face only once every 5 years or so. He wasn't exactly enthusiastic in his praise of my blog (he is a writer), as I realize that my 9-day diary wasn't exactly riveting, edge-of-your-seat reading. Also, when I talk about my computer projects it's probably too technical for most readers.

This weekend I hope to work on my Arachneuron project. I never did hear from Javier, I don't know why. If Arachneuron doesn't pan out, I can always fall back on JZoneGamer. I must go to the library, as I got an email that my book is overdue. The weather is warm and sunny, but I haven't been out today (I called in depressed). I am currently couchless; I must buy one this month, as my sister said she would visit me next month, and she needs a place to sleep. Maria urged me not to buy it from IKEA (my previous sofa bed was from IKEA). Congratulations, Cathy, on the success of your most recent theatrical gig, the Ecstasy of Rita Joe. I must rent a DVD to make sure the DVD player I got as a Christmas present actually works. It's almost time to watch the CBC news at six, so I will sign off now.