Diary: Monday

This is actually a good day, as are most Mondays. Got out of bed around 9:30 (my boss lets me work whenever I want, which is one of the few good things about having depression and "poverty of will," in which I have difficulty getting my ass out of bed consistently, especially early in the morning). Got dressed. Had my usual breakfast of Bran Flakes and orange juice. Took my pills. All the while uttering the odd outburst of crazy talking, in my gruff voice (I have 2 voices: normal to shrill, and gruff, or low-pitched and growly). Put the kettle on. Turned on the computer (stupid thing takes forever to boot up). Made coffee. Brushed teeth. Read and replied to an email from Ralph, my ex-brother-in-law (who encouraged me to write this piece). Lied down on the couch and finished my coffee. Washed the dishes (actually I just rinsed them off, as I only use dish soap about once a week or so). Drove to work in Mississauga (west of Toronto, a 30-minute drive mostly on 3 different expressways).

Turned on the computer. Saw that someone had walked away with the pen, which belongs on top of the fridge, on the door. Fetched a new pen from the reception area (it is my job to maintain the sign-out list for pop, and to buy the pop). Signed out a can of diet caffeine-free Coke (the kind my boss likes). Read and sorted my email. Had a mug of instant coffee. Wrote an email to Arvin, my boss, which was about how I seemed to have stabilized in the last little while, and that I look forward to settling into a weekly routine. It felt good to write that email, as it makes me optimistic for the future.

At lunch-time in mid afternoon, I went to the bank and withdrew $100 from the ATM. Then went next door to the McDonald's and had a Big Mac combo, including a diet Coke with no ice. While eating, read a copy of the Toronto Sun newspaper. Back at the office, had a 2nd instant coffee, psyching myself up to do some actual work.

Finished coffee. Tested the Customer Information System (CIS), specifically, the feature that lets you import customers from Microsoft Outlook (an email program). Wrote down a list of 6 bugs. Sent the list to Carl, who is the web programmer in China (we have a small team of Chinese programmers). Entered my timesheet data into the computer for last Wednesday (40 minutes) and today (100 minutes). Talked briefly with Arvin, who wants me to get started with uploading our various software products to the CIS, where they can be uploaded every time we make a new release, and downloaded when needed.

Rinsed out mug. Checked personal to-do list (I hope to actually cross off every single item this spring, which would be a first for me, finishing an entire to-do list). Shopped online for pillows at Zellers. Checked weather at cbc.ca: 1.1 degrees Celsius, sunny. Turned off computer. Wrote down time in sign in/out book: 7:15 p.m.

Drove to Zellers, which is near where I live. Bought 2 pillows and underwear: $25.93 (I calculated the total amount in my head, but was off by a penny). Drove home. Had 4 maple creme cookies and milk. Washed dishes. Turned on computer. Flattened 2 cardboard frozen food boxes to be recycled. Found on hard drive Python/GTK installers for a guy in Venezuela named Javier P. (who is helping me learn Java, and I'm helping him learn Python). Trimmed mustache. Watched "The National" on CBC Newsworld. Ate 2 frozen waffles w/ syrup. Washed dishes. Stuffed 2 pillowcases (the old pillows were filthy dirty). Put computer in sleep mode. Brushed teeth. Went to bed. Couldn't sleep. Listened to a few songs "classic rock" on clock radio. Got out of bed. Wrote first 2 pages of "Two Weeks Living with Schizophrenia." Emailed it to Ralph and made coffee.